mngirl2002's Cancer Blog
November 9, 2007
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Sick. Oddly enough no runny nose but Day 1-3, headaches and a fuzzy congested head. Day 2 hot flashes and the cold moved to my chest. Today I can’t breathe. Whatever I have is affecting my asthma. So I haven’t been writing much.
Things are ok. My emotions are under control. The therapist and I learned that the reason I got upset last weekend was A) I am hypersensitive now that crisis mode is over and I am no longer repressing my feelings, and B) I am having trouble understanding whether I am important to Kevin and whether his girl friends understand how serious we are/how important I am. The therapist said I need to just tell Kevin that “when he does (...fill in the blank with something like, invited girls over when he knows i will not be there), it makes me FEEL (...fill in the blank ie, jealous and not important].” We’ve all heard about this tactic before. The other party can never argue about your FEELINGS. But I was hoping to SOLVE my jealousy, not just express my feelings. My therapist thinks that jealousy is a normal feeling and I should just let it wash over me. But in the end, we also decided that A) I will ask Kevin if his girl friends know how serious we are, and B) I will tell Kevin that I’m having issues bc last time I “helped” someone, I practically failed out of college while my boyfriend cleaned himself up and ended up in grad school doing genetics in New York. Completely different person and different situation but I’m definitely having weird emotional flashbacks.
Kinda like that show LOST (yep on a tangent). Kevin and I are on Disc 4 out of 6 of Season 1. I like it, I hate it, but i have to keep watching it bc i need to know what happens!
Anyways, I haven’t told Kevin either A) or B) but I feel fine know that I realize that this is just me being insecure and being scared about reverting back to the person I was senior year of college.
Oh and I need a life… I talk about Kevin like there isn’t anything else in this world. Yuck. My weekend plans:
*)Tonight- no plans, still sick
*)Saturday- no plans, still sick. Cable guy hopefully will show up btw 11-2pm to fix our internet and cable. Possible movie date with Kevin in the evening if I feel better.
*)Sunday- hopefully feeling better. 11am: Hour-long deep tissue massage! 3pm: Kevin’s friend Janice goes to visit Kevin. Not sure I will go over there or not. 5pm: Hang out with Mohna, get ready for girls’ poker night, pick out her dress for her holiday party, use her free Starbucks coupons. 7pm: Whip some ass in girls’ poker at Mohna’s.
*)Monday- NO SCHOOL. But I still have to go to work to catch up on some things since I was out sick one day this week and the partners are trying to cram work down our throats so that their bonuses are HUGE. Possible game night with Kevin, my roomie, and Kevin’s friends Anvi and Josh!
Next weekend Kevin wants my help to throw a small gathering for close friends, there is the Loy Kratong Festival, and a craft fair!
08.16.08 - 
Thanks for your support -